International Adoption Surname Laws

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When a child is legally adopted in the UK, the child will automatically take on your surname and any rights of the biological parents will cease to exist. This is the status quo in many countries where the child will lose their former surname and automatically acquire yours. Countries where the surname change is automatic include Cape Verde, Argentina and Turkey.

Conversely, some countries leave the surname change decision in the hands of a local court or authority. Finland is one country where the court has the authority to determine whether or not the child should keep their family name. Similarly in São Tomé it is up to the court to decide whether or not the adopted person should keep their family name or change to the name of the adoptive parents.

And in Lithuania it is up to the child to make a decision about whether or not they wish to take the name of the adoptive parents. A court hearing will usually decide the fate of the surname, but if the child requests to keep their biological surname they will be granted permission by the court. Similarly, in France it is mandatory for all children aged 13 and over to give their consent before changes can be made to their biological surname and first name.

Countries such as Korea refrain from changing the child’s name altogether unless there is a special request for the name to be changed or the existing name is deemed to be detrimental to the child’s development. Russia takes a similar stance with the adoptive child keeping their family surname unless a special request is put in place from the adoptive parents.

A small minority of countries permit the adopted child to carry both their birth certificate surname and the surname of the adoptive parents. Mauritius is one country which follows this code of conduct- it is up to a judge to decide whether or not the adopted child keeps their biological surname and whether their new family name can be added to carry both surnames.

Looking for further adoption guidance? We use this blog to answer some of the most commonly asked questions regarding adoption. Check back regularly to see what’s new.

Breaking the Ice: Introducing Your Child to a New Partner

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Family

Adopting a child is an enormous commitment and the process can test your endurance levels to the limit. Regardless, once you’ve finally been granted adoption rights the feeling of joy will be immense. Bringing your child home at the end of the process will be exciting, daunting and probably a little terrifying so discover the best ways to break the ice with the help of Adopt Wales.

Preparation is Key

During the adoption interim period use this time to prepare for the child’s arrival as when they move in you’ll be busy enough adjusting to the changes. Prepare for the child’s arrival by following these steps:

  1. Read a few celebrated adoption books which will give you an idea on what to expect and how to handle introductions when the child is with you. Also research blogs and forums for a variety of resources.

The Connected Child by Karyn B. Purvis is a critically acclaimed guide to attachment and bonding with your adopted child and a good starting point for your research.

  1. Find out as much information as possible about the child’s background, experiences and family history as this will help you to understand their needs best.
  2. Consider what the best approach is in terms of parenting and plan how you are going to deal with complications or issues should they arise. Come up with a backup plan too if your first technique doesn’t work.
  3. Understand that no matter how much preparation you do, there will be unforeseen bumps and cracks along the way and that’s okay. Adoption is a learning curve.

Introducing your Partner

There are many reasons why some parents may choose to wait until the child has moved in to introduce them to a partner. Perhaps you haven’t been with your partner for that long, or maybe you’re just nervous about bringing more people into the equation when the child has probably had enough emotional change in their life as it is.

Either way, when it comes to introducing your partner and child, tread carefully. Avoid awkward surprise introductions and set a specific date and time for the meeting. Educate your partner about the child’s likes, dislikes, background and vice versa.

Although you don’t want your child to get into the habit of expecting gifts, an initial gift can help to break the ice and provides a talking point for both partner and child. If your partner doesn’t live with you, introduce them in a familiar place like your home so the child feels at ease- avoid public places in case disaster strikes.

If you’d like more adoption guidance and support, take an in-depth look at our blog where we post regular advice features and industry news.

Adopting a Stepchild

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If you’ve clicked through to this blog then it’s likely that you are considering adoption. If either you or your partner is a stepparent, adoption is a natural stride towards solidifying the family unit and doing away with annoying ‘step’ parent-child labels. However before you make the leap of faith, tread carefully. Consider whether adoption is truly right for you and what it will mean for the future.

Family

Today we will cover some of the key indicators that can determine whether or not it’s the right time to adopt. In addition we will walk you through some of the initial steps towards adopting a stepchild.

 

Reasons to Consider Adoption

Adoption can have a significant impact on both the child’s sense of belonging and the family unit as a whole. Here are some common signs that you could be ready to adopt:

  • You have lived with your stepchild for a considerable length of time
  • You provide for your stepchild financially
  • The child considers you to be their ‘real’ mum or dad
  • You are a major part of the parental decision making process
  • You simply want to formalise the relationship
  • The child trusts you and comes to you for advice and help
  • A combination of all the above

 

When to Reconsider

Although it’s understandably exciting to think about making your family more cohesive, it’s more important to make the right decision. Below are some signs that indicate it might be worth giving adoption a second thought before you take the plunge.

  • The relationship with your spouse has hit a rough patch
  • You see adoption as a way of strengthening your marriage /relationship
  • You think making the next step will ensure that your child provides you with unconditional love
  • You want to receive tax credits or financial gain in any way
  • You feel like you should adopt, even if it’s not what you want
  • A combination of all the above

 

Initial Steps to Take

If you are certain that you want to take on the lifelong commitment to adopt then you must first seek consent from the biological parent. This is processed by signing an Adoption Surrender in front of at least 2 witnesses.

The next step is to file a Petition for Adoption plus additional documents to support your campaign for adoption. Remember that if the stepchild is older than 12 then they will need to consent to the adoption before you can progress your application.

Looking for more adoption guidance on your route to parenthood? Adopt Wales to the rescue! Visit the Contact Us section of the website to find details of your local agency.

Parenting Resources and Helpful Guides

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Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and there is often no one around to teach you the right and wrong way of doing things. So if you would like a little parental guidance or some adoption support take a look at the following list of resources:

Forums

Adopt WalesForums are a great way of connecting with people in a similar situation to yourself and can be a handy way of asking and receiving answers for any questions you may have. Some well-known forums include:

Adoption UK – With a purpose of providing support and a voice for adoptive families Adoption UK has a forum which discusses issues such as prospective adopters, education and difficult times.

Netmums – Set up in 2000 it is the UK’s fastest growing online parenting organisation. A family of local sites, Netmums covers the whole of the UK and offers information on everything you could ever want to know about parenting. Forum topics you could read include tweens and teens, working and children or home and life.

Mumsnet – A popular parenting online network with over 10 million visits per month Mumsnet was created to make parents’ lives easier by pooling knowledge and discussing issues.

Online Videos

Parentchannel.tv is a great resource of parenting videos. Focused on children between the age of 5 and 19 years old it is designed to support and encourage using short videos. These videos come from experts, parents and children themselves. Plus access to these clips is completely free!

The NHS website also has some great video resources which can answer any medical questions you may have regarding your child.

Parent Child Bonding Activities

The 1-2-1 Challenge website states that 1 parent + 1 child + priceless adventure = memories for a life time! This is a fantastic weekend away for parent and child to help you connect with each other on a deeper level while having fun.

A weekend away at 1 of their 3 venues involves plenty of excitement for children and parents alike with activities such as high ropes, bushcraft and canoeing.

Books

One of the most established and varied resource bases can be found in your local library. Parenting books have been popular for a long time and below are some of the current bestsellers:

  • The New Contented Little Baby Book: The Secret to Calm and Confident Parenting by Gina Ford
  • How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber
  • Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different – and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balances Men by Steve Biddulph
  • What Every Parent Needs to Know: The incredible effects of love, nurture and play on your child’s development by Margot Sunderland
  • Related by Adoption: A Handbook for Grandparents and Other Relatives by Hedi Argent

Have you read or seen a resource that you would personally recommend? We’d love to hear about it. Give us a tweet and let us know!

 

(images: open clipart)

Parenting your Adopted Child

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As a result of societal changes, adoption has become an increasingly popular option for parents and childless adults alike. Each year, hundreds of thousands of adults make the life-changing decision to adopt, but what happens when it comes to actually parenting your new child? Read on to find out what to expect in terms of behaviour and how to form a secure bond with your adopted child.

Adoption Support Wales

How an adopted child might behave with their new family is extremely subjective as each child will have different coping mechanisms. Age is a large behavioural factor, according to Miriam Reitz and Kenneth W.Watson co-writers of Adoption and the Family System: “Most children under the age of 4 lack the cognitive capacity to understand an explanation of what adoption is.”

The quote suggests that children under the age of 4 might find it easier to adjust than say, a teenager. According to a 2013 report carried out by the Department of Education, children over the age of 5 can take up to 2.5 years longer to be placed with a family than children under the age of 5.

First Impressions

For parents and children to form a strong bond, parents should aim to be trustworthy, nurturing and sensitive. These 3 qualities are considered to be crucial when it comes to ensuring a trusting and secure relationship.

Within Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents, author Deborah Gray asserts that: “The quality of parent/child attachments becomes a template for all future relationships and core beliefs.” If this is true then making a lasting first impression is critical.

Secure Attachment

Attachment is key to alleviating the frustration and anxiety adopted children sometimes feel when they first enter a new home environment. Secure attachment is not something that will happen overnight, Gray cites some of the common ways in which parent-child attachments can be formed by helping them “get snuggles, explore the world, calm down, solve problems and reduce pain.”

Through attachment, children learn to value themselves, trust their environment and care about the feelings of others. Attachment is a core part of your child’s development and how strong that attachment is will determine how well your child is likely to develop.

Attachment Interruptions

Secure attachments are typically formed within the first year, but remember to take into account that your adopted child may have past attachment issues from instances such as foster care moves, neglect or orphan care.

In severe cases, adopted children may find it difficult to respond to their new family due to past issues. In these instances parents can often feel rejected and inadequate when trying to bond with their children. Patience and time is the healer here, be sure to make plenty of space in your schedule for bonding activities and aiding emotional development.

Adopt Wales are a group of Welsh adoption agencies on a mission to answer the frequently asked questions regarding adoption. For more answers to some of the most common adoption queries, visit the Adopt Wales website.

Adoption: Are you Ready?

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Before you decide to adopt a child, you will need to take some things into consideration. The adoption process can be an emotional rollercoaster, but if you stick with it, you can discover the joy of parenthood. However, before you embark upon this exciting journey, you need to decide if adoption is right for you and your family.

As much as you’re thrilled at the thought of adopting a child and welcoming a new addition to your family, it is important to think about the minor details that often get overlooked by feelings of intense happiness. You need to seriously think about the following:

  • Which age group would fit best into your family? If you already have a child but are unable to conceive again, consider whether an infant or older child would integrate better in your family.
  • Do you know what the term ‘special needs adoption’ means? Think about whether adopting a special needs child would suit your family and lifestyle.
  • Interracial adoption. Learn all you can about parenting a child outside your race if you’re considering an interracial adoption.

The Child’s Age

You need to be confident about the age of the child you wish to adopt. Whilst you may have the desire to adopt an infant, an older child might suit your family better. Consider how the ages in your family will intertwine and bond rather than going for personal preference. Although you may want to adopt a younger child, there can be advantages and disadvantages to every age.

Special Needs Adoption

 
You may be interested in adopting a special needs child. Ask yourself if you’re prepared to adopt a child who will need extra care. Will you have enough time and energy to uphold the same level of attention and care as you do with existing family members?

Do you think you can emotionally handle the day-to-day of parenting a special needs child? These are all factors that need to be taken into account. If you already have a special needs child, another may add considerable stress.

 
Interracial Adoption

Adopting a child of a different ethnic background might appeal to you, just like it did to Angelina Jolie and many other celebrities. Some find it exciting to incorporate a different culture or heritage into their family whilst others feel more comfortable adopting a child who has a similar background. Whatever you choose, there will be a child out there waiting for you.

Help yourself choose the child that will best fit into your home by thinking ahead and evaluating your personal life. Are you thinking of adopting a special needs child? Find out more information about the adoption process by contacting one of our agencies today. Here at Adopt Wales, we’re passionate about uniting families, we’d like to help you extend your family.

Adopting More Than One Child

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Life-long commitment, endless support and unconditional love- parenting is one of the biggest steps you can possibly take in life. And for those who wish to adopt more than one child, this commitment will be doubled. Two mouths to feed, two packed lunches and two lots of awkward teenage years. And demanding though it may be, there will also be two lots of fantastic memories and amazing individuals in your life. Are you ready for the challenge? Find out everything you need to know about the adoption process.

Adopting More Than One Child

The first thing to note is that the process of adopting more than one child is exactly the same as the process to adopt just one child.

Some people are approved to adopt two children at the same time. For example this could be brothers and sisters already placed together in foster care who need a family to keep them together.

Conversely, some people wish to adopt one child and further down the line contact the agency to adopt a second child. This could be a blood relation to the first child, or it could be a separate child altogether.

Siblings who are currently in foster care and need a family forever can often be left waiting longer to find a match. Of course we appreciate that the prospect of adopting 2 or even 3 children is daunting and so if there are adults out there who would like to take on the challenge, Adopt Wales would love to hear from them.

Initial Steps

It’s important to note that once the court grants an adoption order you will become the children’s legal parent. The rights and responsibilities of the birth parents will be transferred to you and the children will become a core part of your family forever.

Sometimes it’s all too easy to get carried away by the idea of parenthood to think concisely. Before you go ahead and contact your local adoption agency, consider these steps:

  • If you have had issues with infertility in the past ask yourself if you are ready to move on. And if not, try to gain closure on the situation before beginning the emotional journey to adoption.
  • Timing is essential, ask yourself if this is the right time financially and emotionally to go forth with adoption.

Contacting an Agency

Once you are definite that you want to go ahead with adoption, contact your local adoption agency. They will be able to offer you further information on the requirements and send you a detailed information pack. You will then be invited to an information evening where you can find out more and meet like-minded people who are also going through the adoption process.

Home Visit

After the initial stage is complete, a member of the agency will pay you a home visit to explain the adoption process to you in further detail. This is a chance for you to ask one-on-one questions and clear up any queries you may have on the process.

Preparation Training

Shortly after your visit you will be invited to begin preparation training which will prepare you for your assessment and the remainder of your adoption journey.

The Assessment

This is the biggest part of the process and will be very thorough. During the assessment you will be asked many questions and put through your paces, however your local adoption agency will be on hand to support you through the entire process. The length of time an assessment can take to complete varies, but as a rough estimate 6 months is the average. A social worker will lead the assessment.

During the assessment the social worker will discuss how many children you wish to adopt and discuss with you how you would manage both emotionally and financially if you were to adopt more than one child at the same time. Consider whether or not you have enough space in your home for more than one child.

Finding a Match

Congratulations, you have been approved to be an adopter. Now it’s time to find the right match for you and your family. Your adoption agency will work with you to try and find the best match possible.

Adopt Wales are a group of agencies situated all across South Wales. To find out more about the adoption process contact one of our agencies today and a team member will be happy to help.

Our Story: Joe and David

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If you are considering whether adoption is right for you then it may be beneficial to hear from someone who has previously gone through the experience. Here we tell the short story of Joe and David and their adoption of baby Sam.

Their Story

Joe and David have always wanted to be parents and as they neared their late 20’s they decided to find out more about adoption. They knew surrogacy wasn’t right for them and way too expensive for them to afford so adoption seemed like a natural fit.

After some internet research and discussion they decided that adoption was the right option and they wanted to go ahead with the process using Adopt Wales. From their research they knew they would have no barriers when adopting and were hopeful that they would find a new addition to their family very soon.

Their dreams came true in December 2013 when they adopted a 5 ½ month old baby called Sam. Joe and David were ecstatic as this meant that they could be a part of every one of their child’s birthdays and watch them develop through all the stages, including precious moments such as learning to walk and talk.

Looking back on the process now they found it all much easier than they had expected – and much less invasive. The hardest part was the anticipation while waiting to be matched with a child but that was more excitement than anything.

Could you imagine yourself going through a similar process to this couple? Then get in touch with your local agency here for more information.

Adoption Stories: James and Nathan

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James and Nathan had considered the adoption process for a long time; however Nathan wasn’t as sure of adoption as James, whose great-great aunt had adopted. Nathan wanted to look at other options such as surrogacy but after much deliberation, the couple decided that adoption was the best route to take.

With surrogacy, the resultant child is always half biologically related to one parent. James didn’t like the idea of one of them being more biologically linked to the child than the other, so adoption seemed like the natural solution. The couple also felt that they could offer a stable, loving environment to children already in the world.

As a homosexual couple, both James and Nathan felt apprehensive about attending the three-day introduction course due to potential reactions from heterosexual couples. However, neither James nor Nathan felt like they were being judged on their situation. The couple were concerned that others would take exception to them being at the course and possibly have a feeling of more entitlement. They couldn’t have been more wrong. James and Nathan befriended two couples who adopted, and are still in touch with them today.

On January 13th 2013, the couple’s lives changed forever: they adopted their son. James and Nathan described the rush of intense love they felt for their little boy when they first met him and expressed, “we fell in love with him instantly. He was and continues to be amazing.”

James and Nathan decided to adopt an older child (their son was five at the time) due to their circumstances. The pair couldn’t afford to be off work for longer than required and therefore this formed their decision.

Both James and Nathan are pleased with adopting an older child and describe their little boy as “a character”. Whilst at first, their son was polite and exceptionally well-mannered; he’s now “just a normal six-year old”. The couple are proud of what their little man has had to deal with and how he has dealt with it.

For James and Nathan, the most challenging aspect of the adoption process was the placing authority. The couple felt that they had not had a lot of experience dealing with same-sex couples before and this, along with the fact that James and Nathan were adopting an older child led to a few hiccups. Prior to adopting their son, James and Nathan also had to experience the heartache of being matched to a boy who was later withdrawn from the process. James described the ordeal as “gut wrenching” and claimed to have never seen Nathan that upset. However everything turned out fine in the end, and James and Nathan are glad they persevered to get their perfect family.

However James and Nathan wouldn’t change their adoption process for the world. After an emotional rollercoaster, they are now proud parents and claim that it is the most rewarding thing they have ever done. Whilst adoption is challenging, it’s worth it for the precious gift of parenthood.

If you’re in a similar position to James and Nathan and would like to seek more information and advice on the adoption process, contact one of our agencies today.

Celebrity Adoption Stories

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During the progressive era (1890-1920) adoption became popularised through print publications. Women were encouraged to overcome any prejudices surrounding adoption with the view that a mothers love would champion over all other emotions.

Ever since, adoption has been widely regarded as one of the most altruistic commitments any human can make and over the years a plethora of celebrities have become adoptive parents. From Madonna to Lionel Richie, let’s take a look at some of the most prolific celebrity adoption stories.

Kristin Davis

Best known for her role as Charlotte in hit television series Sex and the City, Kristin adopted a daughter named Gemma Rose in 2011. Many remarked on Kristin’s similar life on-screen compared to real life for in SATC Charlotte also has an adopted child with the middle name Rose, however Kristin insists the coincidence is ‘pure chance.’

Davis has discussed her intrinsic desire to adopt in interviews, “I had always thought in the back of my head that I would adopt” and described the adoption process as “terrifying.”

Sandra Bullock

Adoption had long been in the pipeline for Sandra Bullock, the Gravity star had planned to adopt a baby with her then husband Jesse James. However, when it was revealed that Jesse had been cheating on the American actress, Bullock took matters into her own and adopted Louis Bardo Bullock as a single parent.

The adoption was so successful that Bullock is already considering adopting another child and confessed in a recent interview that she ‘didn’t know what love was’ until she adopted her son Louis.

Lionel Richie

The American singer-songwriter Lionel Richie famously adopted Nicole Camille Escavado- otherwise known as Nicole Richie from infancy. Nicole’s biological father is Peter Michael Escovedo, a jazz singer and was a bandmate of Richie’s at the time. Richie informally adopted Nicole from the tender age of 2, later legally adopting her at the age of 9.

Madonna

Madonna’s adoption of African born David Banda caused controversy in the media. The legendary singer discovered Malawian born David Banda in an orphanage and adopted him 2 years later with Guy Ritchie as the adoptive parent.

Madonna was criticised profusely by the media during this period who believed her good deed was merely a publicity stunt. However Madonna surprised her sceptics after divorcing her husband and adopting African born Chifundo James as a single parent.

Are you considering adoption? Adopt Wales are a group of adoption agencies situated in 12 locations across South Wales. Passionate about raising adoption awareness and uniting families, contact one of our agencies to make an enquiry today.